We’re back, and we hate you.
(but sometimes you just can't look away)
Yeah, but what about everyone else’s tumblrs?
something something Wes Anderson.
Something something feelings, something something 30 Rock quote, something something whatever 14 year old girls are into but so are 28 year old women.
Something something a book we all read but vaguely remember. Something something nostalgia. Something something “SOCIAL FUCKING MEDIA”. Something something this-app-is-the-second-fucking-coming-of-Our-Lord-Jesus.
Picture Of Myself!
Witty quote. Meaningful quote. Picture of a celebrity. Picture of a celebrity’s meaningful quote.
Something something “SOCIAL FUCKING MEDIA!” rebuttal from earlier. Something something taken out of context. Something something Hey, Remember The 90’s? Something something Harry Dean Stanton crying. Something something a picture stolen from Flickr. Something something self referential. Something something trying to tank your own blogging platform. Something something “hey look at my girlfriend/boyfriend/dog/cat/rarely but sometimes a lizard”. Something something Bill Murray (obviously). Something something that was too long and I didn’t read. Something something from someone I consider a friend in social setting but in reality only hung out with twice.
Picture of food.
Caption of picture of food.
Something something something an Old might say trying to understand this here internet? Something something witty internet webzine said! Something something someone just finding out who Lady Gaga is. Something something someone who doesn’t get the internet and just spurts fountains of bullshit.
Something something drug addled. Something something witty. Something Molls said. Something trending on Twitter. Something something a quote from John Lennon. Something something Tess Lynch said that was way, way funny but would take me 20 minutes to someone who didn’t know the situation. Something something where did my day go? Something something a big, giant, blue void. Something something withdrawl. Something something a giant outdoors, something something direct sunlight. Something something ‘maybe I should eat some fruit?’.
Something something checking internet on iPhone while outdoors and drinking Jamba Juice. Something something ‘SOCIAL FUCKING MEDIA!’ makes you more anti-social. Something something “pull the plug”/empty promises/remember that diet you never started/weren’t you supposed to jog everyday? Something something terrible, never ending glowing rectangles. Something something sawn-off-shotgun and ‘living off the grid’ outside of Tuscon.
Hey guys! What did we miss? Anyone catch this piece of work? It’s a short piece about how all the non-breeders out there need to pitch in and show mothers some common fucking courtesy!
“If you see me trying to navigate a double stroller, why can’t you move out of my way?”
We’re a little rusty, but the correct response to this is still “Oh, hell no,” right?
The author’s (“author’s”???) follow up is not to be missed. Classic back pedaling.
“I’m writing to clarify the tone. It pointed out how we collectively need to step it up in the ‘courtesy department.’”
Really? Because the original article did not read as an invitation for the world to become a more courteous place. It read as an invitation for the world to yield the right of way to the precious mommies in all situations. Always.
Gothamist weighed in and the comments are glorious:
“i have a standard answer for all those bitches asking for help with their baby, stroller, doors, stairs or whatever…”wheres the dude who stuck his d*ck in you?”
i never ran in to this loon, but ive never met anyone who has the nerve to ask anybody to MOVE seats in a theatre. the only reasonale option would be to switch rows then the dumb hobag and her satan spawn would just give up the charade of demanding an empty seat in front of her kids unless she wants to work her mommy magic all the way up to the front row.
“mommy rage…a yuppie term for henpecking, bullying & nagging…
im sure her husband is now filing for divorce for embarassment.
exactly what is mommy rage…is she getting into street brawls in park slope?”
Commenter etypical sums the kerfuffle up perfectly:
“‘and all she’s saying is that she could use a bit of help and tolerance.’
That’s not at all what she’s saying. She is saying that now that she’s birthed, here’s a checklist of ways to make her life better/easier. It takes a certain amount of complete and utter narcissism to assume anyone who doesn’t know you, cares a lick about making your life easier. Asking is one thing, demanding is another.
She phrased it all wrong and now she’s got to suck up the slams she’s taking. It’ll make her life easier (to understand that no one cares) in the long run”
Who loves entitlement? WE DO!